How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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