I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
