so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
