it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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