That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
