Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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