i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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