He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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