You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
