That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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