My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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