Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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