dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize