nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
