Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
