I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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