i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My dick has a subreddit
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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