my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
why didn't you poke me back
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Randomize
