3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My brain says no but my pants say off.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
