I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
