I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
