someone get that fucking seahorse.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
