Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
