guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
