We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
should my penis look like a turkey
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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