My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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