I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
