the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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