Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
