happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
