I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
