Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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