We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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