is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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