If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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