I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
