my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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