They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
