I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
