id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
