halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize