Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
