Don't you send me to vm
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
