My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
