i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
