Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
