I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
