covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
