By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
