Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
