My friends, they love my intelligence
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
