a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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