I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
