Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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