My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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