Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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