He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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