What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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