my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
