Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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