so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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