Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
