Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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