So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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