its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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