Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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