i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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