Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
