Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
