Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
