I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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