that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
