just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
