There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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