We're facebook friends in real life
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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