I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
