Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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