Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Someone shattered a urinal.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize