Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
