So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
