We won't sleep together?
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
