Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize