Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
