doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
