My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
