I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Someone shit on the floor
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
