Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
