he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Damn victory sex feels great
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
