I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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