i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
