We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
