Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize