she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
