I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
