i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
