school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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