I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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