Where is the hickey?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
