woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize