p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
