Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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