That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
