i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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