I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You are the jesus of drinking
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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