Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize