Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
