I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
