living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
