I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
