so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
