nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize